Teenagers & Unconditional Love

I am on the hunt for some type of vitamin that will keep my Welansa from morphing into a TEENAGER. My hats go off to anyone who is parenting or have parented a teenager. I have watched my nephew morph from a sweet cuddly baby to a cranky and moody young man. I love my nephew but I wish I could put him in a time machine.

This weekend my family went to visit Kyle in CT. My sister had to attend a college seminar at his school. The boy is only in the 10th grade and we are talking about college. Oh my. I took Welansa to the Children’s Museum while my sister and mother attended the seminar.

Kyle had his own agenda but he was able to squeeze us into his schedule and we had dinner together on Saturday and brunch on Sunday. The only person he was happy to see in my opinion was Welansa of course. I often wonder why? I have finally figured it out. Welansa loves Kyle unconditionally. She loves the way God loves and who would not be attracted to that kind of love.
- Welansa does not care about his GPA.
- Welansa could care less about the college he attends. Hell he does not have to graduate from High School. She still loves him. (He had better graduate !!!)
- Welansa could care less that he is moody one minute and sweet the next. It’s a moment to her. She does not live in the past or the future she lives in the present.
- Welansa could care less about the stinky dorm room and the dirty clothes that have not been washed in weeks. (Big improvement from the last time, the clothes were clean, the dorm room on the other hand, well let’s just move on).
- Welansa could care less how many points he scored during his basketball game.
- Welansa could care less that he had to serve “Sunny D”. Kyle’s nickname for Sunday Detention.


(Kyle and his roommate Brandon)

Welansa could care less about ALL of things that people get on his nerves about. All she knows is this is the first person to take her out of her mother’s arms when we arrived at the airport. Kyle is the cousin that acts silly with her, throws her up in the air, shows her off to all of his friends, and sneaks her treats that I will not allow her to have. Welansa looks beyond Kyle’s exterior and can see sometimes what we often miss. So now I know why Kyle loves Welansa so much. The wise ones say it is the parent that teaches the child. However, I think they have it wrong in this situation. It was the child who taught the lesson on loving unconditionally.

Lions & Tigers & Bears Oh My

While cleaning out my pocketbook this morning guess what I found at the bottom?

ANIMAL CRACKERS!!!

Its official Welansa has taken over every part of my being. A women’s pocketbook is one of her most sacred possessions. Enter without asking and you could loose a limb. I guess parenthood changes things, my purse is no longer a sacred possession but a ZOO.

I would love to hear what’s in your purse (child related of course).

Valentines Day - My Birthday

Valentines Day was my Birthday. I turned 39 years old. I am happy that I have reached a point in my life where I want a Valentine but I don’t need a Valentine. Wants and needs are two different things.

My only request for my Birthday was a home cooked seafood feast with my three favorite girls, my mother, sister, and of course Welansa. Work has been extremely crazy and parenting a 2-½ year old can leave you exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax, eat, and have a nice glass of sangria.

Welansa attended church with my sister and mother so I dropped her off at the church and went back home. The goal was to nap for 45 minutes, finish dinner (I cook several meals on Sunday), get dressed, and then pick my mother and Welansa up from church when it ended. All I needed was 2 ½ hours. However, after 1 hour and 20 minutes, my mother was ready for me to pick her up. Of course I had an attitude because I still had rollers in my hair and I had not taken a shower. Who wants to look crazy on their Birthday?

I was starting to feel like a cab and a bit stressed. Since Welansa’s arrival I do my best to stay away from things and people that stress me out. Anything or anyone that is high maintenance sends me running in the opposite direction. The last thing I wanted to do was take my mother home, drive back to my house to get dressed and then drive back to my sister and mother’s house for dinner. The driving back and forth was starting to make this Birthday Seafood feast stressful.

My mother could tell I had an attitude and she was not having it. She gave me attitude right back. We went back and forth and basically I told her that if I took her home I would not be coming back. During our conversation or should I say disagreement Welansa made sure to add her two cents. She told her grandma “don’t talk to my mommy anymore” and then told me “don’t talk to my grandma anymore” so sad when a 2 ½ year old has to intercede. My mother and I looked at each other and laughed.

Long story short I took my mother home and went back to my house and never went back for my home cooked seafood feast. I spent the entire day in rollers and sweat pants chilling with Welansa. I kept waiting and hoping that my mother and sister would knock on my door with my b-day cake and seafood. That did not happen. So I called Dominos. Five minutes after I ordered, my Godson’s mother knocked on my door. She went to my sisters & mothers house to drop off my gift only I was not there. My mother prepared a doggy bag for me (fried shrimp, shrimp scampi, crab legs, and a backed potato), which included a slice of my birthday cake and sent it with my Godson’s mother. I can’t believe they ate and cut MY birthday cake without me.

I knew I had to make things right between my mother and I. That’s my girl and I can’t stand when we disagree with each other. So I walked in tonight with 4 Peanut Butter cups. My mother is easy to please. I handed her the peace offering and told her I was sorry. She gave me a big hug and kiss and we sat down to chat. She explained to me that she loves being with Welansa BUT she can be challenging at times. I understand what she is talking about. Welansa is very sweet but extremely stubborn, catches attitudes often, and can be a bit challenging. She like me does not have time for a lot of drama. She has to save her energy for helping care for Welansa. So Welansa is the common denominator. We both looked at each other and started laughing because neither one of us wants to deal with drama because we have to save our energy for Welansa. So I jokingly said to Welansa that she is causing problems in my relationship with my mother. Her response “no I not”. At the end of the day we both know it has nothing to do with Welansa.

I hope and pray that my relationship with Welansa is similar to the relationship I have with my mother. Life is a gift and we can’t spend our time and energy being upset with each other because that is my MOTHER and I am her DAUGHTER.

Sweet Memories of Carnival

I LOVE this video. It reminds of the days I spent attending various Caribbean Carnivals throughout the US. Miami Carnival is my favorite. Pre-Welansa I would leave NY on a Friday and return on a Tuesday. From the time I touched down until the time I left it was a big party. If I got 4 hours of sleep the entire weekend I was doing good. ALL of my time was spent dancing (winding down and flingin waist) and hanging with my friends. One summer I decided to attend as many Carnivals in the US as I could. I know crazy, crazy, crazy but I had lots of fun. Truth be told my old bones would not allow me to do that anymore :-).

Nick Jr.'s rendition of Mocho Jumbie

When the video comes on Welansa starts running around the room or moving her hips. The other day in circle time everyone was sitting down singing “BINGO” and she got up, put her hands on her hips, and started moving her waist.

My rendition of Mocho Jumbie.
I was at this concert acting a fool my legs hurt so bad after that concert.

During dinner I like to have some type of Ethiopian music playing. After dinner I turn the music up and we have our dance sessions. I am trying to learn some of the Ethiopian dances and moving the shoulders is a must. Between the moving of the waist (Caribbean side) and the shoulders (Ethiopian side) I think she will have some pretty good dance moves.

Her dance moves.

More dance moves.

My sister is thinking about having a 50th Birthday Party. I am sure Welansa’s God Parents will attend. They are Ethiopian and I am so blessed to have them in our lives. I have not seen all of the Ethiopian dances but from what I have seen they are kind of conservative. When my family parties, we play all types of music but once you start playing the Calypso and Soca it’s a wrap. The dance floor is packed, hips are moving, and people are jumping up waving their flags. I hope Kassahun and Abaynesh don’t have second thoughts about my family once they see the craziness :-). I am sure they won’t. I do plan on getting them an Ethiopian flag or shall I say “rag” so when the deejay says represent your country Welansa and her God Parents can represent Ethiopia.

She’s Back

Actually Welansa has been home for a while. My mother had some important business to take care of so they returned on 24th instead of the 30th. I missed her but honestly she could have stayed another week. That’s right I said it. I missed my girl dearly but I was starting to enjoy being childless. I slept later, took the express train instead of the local train, went out a few times, and cleaned, cleaned, cleaned. I use to be such a neat freak. However, all of my freakiness went out of the window once Welansa arrived.

Welansa had a blast in the ATL. Because she is the only girl she was soooo spoiled and loved. Her five cousins took excellent care of her. I truly believe that Welansa was meant to be in MY family. She fits right in. My brother’s boys are rough, high energy, sweet, stubborn and funny. Welansa has every one of these qualities. She loved trying to ride Rocky, the white Labrador. My brother had her outside almost everyday playing baseball, soccer and basketball. I was told she would come in the house looking like a “hot mess”. My mother was afraid that her cousins would be too aggressive for her. Her concerns were quickly put to rest. It was she who did the pushing and her cousins never pushed or hit her back. She even mouthed off at her 20 year old cousin Charles. He told her to brush her teeth and she said to him “calm down Charles, calm down”. Charles has a twin brother named John and she was able to tell them apart.

She had a blast. I am already making arrangements for her to spend 2 weeks in the summer !!!!!


(Welansa, and ALL of her cousins - Kyle, John, Charles, Akil, Amir, Asan)

Happy Anniversary

January 21, 2008, was the first time I met Welansa. Happy 2nd Year Anniversary.

Be Careful What You Wish For

On Tuesday evening after Welansa’s bath and getting her hair “did” I told her she would sleep with mommy tonight. She was super excited because co-sleeping is reserved for the weekends only. I average five hours of sleep per night. I need the five hours to be uninterrupted. I can’t tell you the number of times I have awaken with a foot or arm in my face. So co-sleeping is reserved for the weekends.

As soon as we got in the bed she said to me “mommy lay on me”. What she really meant was “mommy I lay one you”. Ever since Welansa was a little baby I would place her on my chest so she could hear my heartbeat as she feel asleep. I think she is getting too big to lie on top of mommy but I don’t have the heart to tell her no.

As she listened to my heartbeat I described to her what would happen tomorrow. I whispered in her ear and told her that she would be going to Grandma’s house for a couple of hours. Then I would pick her and grandma up and take them to the train station. I asked her to make the sound of a train. I then told her that she would spend sometime on the train playing with her toys and eating lots of snacks. At around 9pm she would fall asleep and when she woke up she would be in Atlanta, GA. Her uncle John would pick her up from the train station and take her to his house where she would see her auntie Akilah, her five cousins (John Jr. , Charles, Akil, Amir, and Asan), the dog (Rocky) and the cat (Yankee). I told her she would be gone for TWO WEEKS and that I loved her dearly, would never forget about her, and we would see each other soon. I gave her 3 kisses the Ethiopian way and we went to sleep.

Welansa is in Atlanta with my mother for two weeks. A couple of months ago I wished she could spend a week in GA with my brother and his family. However, things did not work out. I was told on Monday that my mother would be going to Atlanta on Wednesday and she wanted to take Welansa. My heart started racing, I started sweating underneath my arms and the room began to spin. Two weeks. That’s a long time. In my mind I knew that she would have a great time with her cousins and this would be the beginning of her forming a really close relationship with her uncle. As it stands he is the closest male figure in her life.

In my heart I knew I would miss her dearly. I am doing well. I have only cried twice and I am using my time wisely. I am taking care of myself and giving my apartment a good “winter” cleaning.

Praying for Haiti

Please keep all of the people affected by the earthquake in Haiti in your PRAYERS. I was reminded again today to shut up and stop complaining. I am so blessed. Someone in Haiti just lost a son, a daughter, a mother, a father, an aunt, an uncle, a cousin and a friend. Someone just lost their home, their job, or may be in need of medical assistance.

Today I contacted my friends who may have been affected by earthquake. Milian was an older gentleman who worked in my Department for a number of years. He was forced out of Haiti because of his political beliefs but continues to travel back and fourth to help those less fortunate in his country. His family in Haiti are fine but he can’t reach his childhood friend and part of his home collapsed.

Welansa and I went to check on the neighbors the Bobo’s. When the weather is nice Mrs. Bobo meets Welansa outside and walks her to the car. She loves Welansa dearly. All of her family members are fine.

My sister’s neighborhood has a high population of Haitians. When Welansa is outside in the yard she loves to greet people as they walk by. Tonight I can hear some of the Haitian neighbors speaking to Welansa with their French accents. “Hello darling have a good day”. I hope and pray the neighbors loved one are okay.

The Earthquake affected 1 out of every 3 people in Haiti.

HAITI YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS

Mommy & Me Swim, Two Piece, & “AE” Herbal Tea

“It” had been on my task list long enough. The “it” was enrolling Welansa and I in a “Mommy & Me Swim Class”. I had my reasons for delaying the enrollment. The class starts at 8:30am on a Saturday morning (way to early for me) and who wants to go swimming and then afterwards step out into 30-degree weather (surely not me). Lately, Welansa has been all over the place so I figured the swim class which has a 30 minute gym session afterward would help her channel some of that energy in a more positive direction.

I enrolled in the class this week only to have a “light bulb” moment. I have never seen any of the mommy’s wearing a two-piece bathing suit in the class. Oh no. I don’t have a one-piece bathing suit. That’s right I said it. I still wear and love my two-piece bathing suits. Some are more scandalous than others. So now I have to find a one-piece bathing suit.

Now where does the “AE” herbal tea come into play? After I had Welansa, women would approach me and want to know my “secret”. “What secret? ” They wanted to know how I lost so much weight after “having” Welansa. According to them everything was where it should be, my stomach was still flat, and I still had my coke bottle figure. My response was an “AE” herbal tea I purchased from the health food store. I didn’t want to lie but I didn’t want to tell the entire truth. After all I don’t have to share how Welansa and I became a family to every stranger on the street.

AE herbal tea is not really a tea but a culmination of paperwork, money, emotions, and the greatest gift God could ever give me, Welansa. “AE” is ADOPTION ETHIOPIA. The adoption process kept me slim in trim between waiting, worrying, preparing, planning, decorating, shopping and all the other things associated with adoption I ate less or at times over ate. Most of the times I ate less but there were times when Chocolate Hagen Daz ice cream, puffy cheese doodles, Pepsi and I met in the kitchen for a late night rendezvous. One of the best things about adoption is the ability to keep everything tight and standing upright.

Well gotta go get me a one piece. But thank God for “AE” herbal tea, I can still wear my two-piece if I want to.

Grandma's Love/Happy Birthday

Only a Grandmother Would:


Watch Welansa from 7:15am – 7pm. While I am at work I have no worries about who is watching my child and what she is doing. I know she is safe, loved, spoiled, and well taken care of.

Purchase ALL of Welansa’s clothes once I got my referral. Everything from head to toe, barrettes and shoes included.

Organize all of her clothes before I left for Ethiopia. She was so meticulous about everything.

Make headbands because my girl did not have enough hair for barrettes. And my mother hand washed all of them when that got dirty

Make hand made hair bows. She loves to see little girls with pretty bows in their hair. My mother had never made a bow before but she learned. Welansa has all different colors. And my mother hand washes all of them when they get dirty.

Stay with me for 2 weeks after I returned from Ethiopia. She wanted to bond with Welansa and give me an opportunity to rest.

Takes care of Welansa even though she spends a lot of time in pain (degenerative arthritis). Her daily prayer is to give her the strength to take care of Welansa. I have tried to make other daycare arrangements but my mother is not having it.

Convert the porch area into Welansa’s play/learning room. The room is decorated with all types of educational posters, toys, games, etc. She spares no expense when it comes to purchasing learning material.

Take her passion for learning and education and TEACH my daughter. Welansa knows almost every fruit, counts to 20, knows her ABC’s, can receipt almost 12 Nursery Rhymes, recognizes almost all of letters, knows a lot of her shapes, etc, etc.

Remove the hem from 10 pair of pants for Welansa. These were the same pants my mother so graciously hemmed without a sewing machine 7 months ago. Not only did she take the hem out but she ironed out the crease and used spray starch. I had not idea people still use starch.

Purchase all of Welansa’s church clothes including the patent leather shoes and Rothschild coat. My mother loves taking Welansa to church. She wants her to look a certain way. The other day my mother told me to go upstairs and pick out a dress for Welansa. I opened the closet door and found several dresses and all of the dresses had a matching sweater, socks, and hair bow.

Be so supportive of me being a single mom. From day one my mother told me that on the days she baby sits I don’t have to dress Welansa or pack her breakfast or lunch. She will take care of it. Rarely have I taken her up on her offer because I like dressing Welansa in the morning. But it is a testament to her never-ending support.

Offers her time, energy, and support if she senses I am stressed out and feeling tired.

The list could go on and on. The reality is parenting is a little easier because I have my mom’s support. She loves Welansa to the core. Welansa is her only granddaughter and the only grandchild she sees often.

On January 7th, 60 something years ago God created an awesome mother and grandmother. Mommy thanks for EVERYTHING and Happy Birthday.