Gettin My "Fly" Back

I finally had to break down and take some time off. It was needed. Five hours of sleep, rushing every morning to get to work late, Welansa, and the job had my head spinning. I am off for the rest of the week and will return to work on Monday. I am super excited. I started my mental health staycation by picking up some much craved Ethiopian Food. I picked Welansa up from the sitter and went to my mom's house to eat dinner. I was too tired to make Welansa a plate so she sat on my lap and we devoured our sambusa and doro wat.

After dinner we played for a while and then I brushed her teeth and put her in the bed. I am guilty of letting the TV baby sit tonight because when I left she was watching Dora. Oh well at least she will learn to speak Spanish. I gave my mom the peace sign and headed towards the door. She joked with me and said “your child is not sleep where are you going?” I said "it takes a village to raise a child and when I received my referral for Welansa I never said I have a baby I said we have a baby so I’m out!!!” We started laughing. Back in the day if I took the day off she stayed with me.

Not this time. Mama needs a break. A friend of mine said “B what’s up? I can tell you have a baby now.” I asked him what he meant by that statement although I already knew the answer. He said “ you still look fly BUT”. He need not say anymore. Five hours of sleep leaves me with circles under my eyes, 20 minutes for makeup and hair is not cutting it, and the fact that I have not hit the mall in a while because shopping with a 2 year old is not fun has caught up to me.

So I have to get my “fly” back. I am going to sleep late, get a pedicure, and do some shopping. I’ll show him!!!

Complicated ??Questions?? Already !!!

I thought I had time but obviously not. Now I have to re-organize myself and update my task list. I knew it would happen and I am okay and totally comfortable with the ?question?. But I did not think my 2 year and 5 month old daughter would ask so soon. This is what I get for letting my mother be the babysitter. My mother is not a babysitter but a teacher.

Last week's lesson plan must have been "family" because Welansa started naming the different members in a family. She pointed to her "family wall" and said "mother, father, brother, sister, auntie, uncle". The "family wall" consists of pictures of her grandmother, godparents, cousins, aunts, uncle, and two siblings (the cats).

She knows the name of every person/animal on the wall. In her mind everyone was accounted for except for the "FATHER". So in true Welansa fashion my girl says to me "mommy where is daddy?". I wanted to say that right now your daddy (Idris Elba) is dating someone else. He has yet to meet me, fall madly in love, and ask me to marry him so he can be your daddy. Okay back to reality.

For 30 seconds I sat there in shock. According to my calculations she is asking me this question way too early and I am not prepared. Oh well let me give it my best shot. I explained to Welansa that there were different types of families. Some families have a mommy, daddy, and children. Some families have a mommy and children, and some families have a daddy and children. In your family you have a mommy, an uncle, a grandma, aunties, cousins, two cats, and godparents and they love you very much. You have a godfather who plays the role of a father and he is going to teach you to speak Amharic too. She said "okay".

Welansa loves story time so I am going to order some children’s books on growing up in a single parent home. If you have any other suggestions or books to recommend please let me know.

SINGLE PARENTING BOOKS







Also, I have been meaning to purchase some children's books on adoption.

ADOPTION BOOKS FOR CHILDREN

Pumpkin Patch Fun & Trick or Treat

Welansa was a GOOD witch.






Time sure does fly when your having fun. This was Welansa LAST year.

PUMPKIN PATCH FUN

I Know I Shouldn’t Have But I Did.

Frankly I was tired of:

*The wheels on the bus going round and round (I was starting to get dizzy)
*The itsy bitsy spider going up the water spout (doesn’t he get tired)
*Old McDonald on his farm. (how about Old McDonald goes to the zoo)
*B-I-N-G-O the dog (I am sure at this point Bingo knows his name)
*Rowing the boat down the stream (let’s just get in the car and go)
*Being happy and you know and having to show it. (The smile on face is not enough?)

I have done my very best to ensure that the music in the car is age appropriate. I have a CD of children’s song just for baby girl. However, on this particular morning I needed a boost. I needed a song with a hype beat. SO I DID IT. I reached over and pressed “4” on the radio and one of my favorite songs “Empire State of Mind” by Jay Z was playing on the radio. I know, I know, I shouldn’t have but I had to. Once I heard the chorus:

New York, I'm becomin' where dreams are made of
There's nothin' you can't do
out of New York
These streets will make you feel brand new
Big lights will inspire you
Let's hear it for New York, New York,
New York

It was a wrap there was no turning back I could not turn the station. So I did it. I opened the sunroof, turned the music up so I could feel the beat, moved my head to the rhythm, and enjoyed the song. When I looked in my rear view mirror Welansa was moving her head too.

I carried this indiscretion around for about a week. I mean how could I? But then I found out that “Empire State of Mind” has become the theme song for Yankee Playoff Series. Now Jay Z and fellow New Yorker Alicia Keys will perform the song at
Game 2 of the World Series and I can’t forget the 911 Benefit Concert Jay Z did. All of the proceeds went to the New York Police and Fire Widows’ Children’s Fund.

Well, perhaps I can stop feeling so darn guilty.

Family & Friends Weekend

Welansa enjoyed seeing her cousin this weekend. As soon as she saw Kyle she smiled and ran into his arms. I could tell they both missed each other. Not sure why I brought a stroller because Kyle carried her around the entire time. I believe he was using my Welansa in order to get attention from the girls. It was evident that Welansa made Kyle very popular with the young ladies. Welansa even sat on his lap for some of the classes. The teachers didn’t mind.

I had a chance to sit in on a few of Kyle’s classes. Boy does this stuff bring back memories. Welansa and Kyle had a busy class schedule.

Art – She sat on Kyle's lap the entire time, ate an apple, and drew a picture.
Chemistry – She feel asleep. I guess she had enough of the periodic table.
Algebra – She decided to count from 1 – 20 in the middle of the class.
English – The teacher was writing on the board with some colorful markers and Welansa decided she wanted one. The conversation went like this:
Welansa – Mommy I want markers
Mommy – Shh. The teacher is talking
Welansa – Mommy I wants markers
Mommy – The teacher needs her markers
Welansa – I go ask her
Mommy – Okay
Welansa gets off of my lap, walks to the front of the room, taps the teacher on her leg, and says “I want marker, please” Who could resist that face so the teacher gave her a marker and sat her in front of the class while she drew a picture. What confidence !!!

Boarding School is a lot of responsibility and requires children to be very independent. I imagine that most parents miss their children. Would you allow your child to attend boarding school?

Kyle was home schooled by my mother for the 1st part of elementary school. He has always been advanced academically so when he transferred into a regular school setting he acted a fool. He corrected the teachers if they used improper English, cracked jokes, talked all the time because he already knew the material, and did not apply himself. He needed to be challenged. Now he is among his peers and has no time to be acting a fool. Although I was told that he is still correcting his teachers and on most occasions has been right in his corrections.


Welansa & Kyle in English Class

Welansa in Math Class

Missing Her Cousin

Almost everyday Welansa asks about her cousin Kyle. The conversation goes like this EVERYTIME. The script never changes.

Welansa – Mommy where is Kyle?
Me – Kyle is at school in CT
Welansa – With his friends?
Me – Yes Welansa with he friends

Welansa – Mommy where is Auntie Roz?
Me – Auntie Roz is at work
Welansa – With her co-workers?
Me – Yes Welansa with her co-workers.

I am not sure how she goes from Kyle to Auntie Roz. Auntie Roz is Kyle’s mother. This weekend is Family Weekend at Kyle’s boarding school so tomorrow I am going to surprise Welansa and take her to CT to see her cousin. She is going to be so happy. I am taking the Amtrak (wish me luck with this trip) and riding home with my sister who is leaving today.

It's His Fault

Well it finally happened. Welansa had her 1st major fall tonight. My girl is truly a super toddler (I know I am bias). She rarely gets sick and we have kept the bumps and bruises to a minimum. Besides the one scar on her knee, I think she has a pretty good track record until tonight. My arms are always full of stuff when we walk in the door. Tonight was no exception. I had my brief case, pocket book, Welansa’s baby bag, and a shopping bag (thank God Welansa can walk). I think all of the stuff weighs more than I do.

When I opened the door my cat (Pa Pa) ran out of the house. On most occasions I would not rush to bring him in but the other day I saw 4 little kittens in the yard and I did not want Pa Pa to start a fight with them. I sat everything at the top of the step and told Welansa to stay right there and in true fashion she stood there and said “and don’t move”. This girl knows her mommy well. I put the cat in the house and while closing the door Welansa lost her footing and fell down the entire flight of stairs.

My heart stopped and I let out a big scream. I know I should not have panicked but it is hard to stand there in silence when you watch a piece of you take such a hard fall. I can’t explain how I felt to see her fall and land at the bottom of the step. Of course she cried and the first thing I did was to check for any bruises or bumps. Thank God she was okay. No bumps no bruises. But I was extremely nervous the remainder of the night. After a 2 minute cry she was back to herself as if nothing happened. I was advised by my mom not to let her go to sleep for a while. Not sure if this is true but nonetheless I allowed her to stay up past her bedtime. As a special treat I allowed her to watch Dancing With the Stars. She loved watching the dancers and tried to emulate some of their moves.

As for Pa Pa I was so pissed off at him. But when you see that cute face you can’t stay mad at him for long.



I'm sorry!




Please forgive me!

Celebrating Referrals

October 11, 2007, was the first time I laid eyes on my daughter. The subject line read “Introducing Welansa”. Are you kidding me, there was no need for an introduction.

I had been waiting for THIS moment. All of could do was stare and smile. I was over the moon. I am not sure if I did any work that day. I spent most of the day introducing Welansa to family and friends via email. It would be 3 months and 8 days until I could hold Welansa in my arms.

I am sure every family celebrates “referral day” in different ways. My mother and sister love to shop so they celebrated the occasion by going to Macy’s to buy baby clothes. I love to plan and organize so I developed a spreadsheet, which included a task list of items that I needed to complete in order to finish the nursery. I purchased several items for the nursery but refused to set it up until I got the referral.

I would love to hear how you celebrated your referral.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

October 3, 2007

October 3, 2007, was an ordinary day for me so I thought. I did my usual, which included work and home. I was home watching America’s Next Top model taking my braids out when I got “the call”. It was totally unexpected. The agency I used does not have a “waiting list” instead they have a committee that selects the child for your family. I was okay with waiting for my referral. I learned to savor my childless moments knowing that my life was going to change forever.

Besides, I believe some how some way that God blesses us with the children we are suppose to have. Thus, I could not rush God it would be in his own time. So after a five-month wait I was contacted by my agency. I don’t have caller ID on my home phone because no one really contacts me at the number. I thought it was my agency checking to see how things were going. Little did I know it was to give me information about a 4-month-old girl by the name of Welansa from Dire Dawa, Ethiopia. My heart stopped and during that moment this little baby entered my world and changed me forever.

Unfortunately I would have to wait eight LONG days to see her face for the first time. When I opened the email it was love at first sight.

Name that Song

Welansa loves to sing. Can anyone name the song she is singing?
Okay I know I need to work on positioning the camera correctly.

P.S. The lady with the squeaky voice saying “go bez”, which means good job in Amharic, is me.

Cousins

My nephew Kyle is gone again. Last year he received a full academic scholarship to one of the most prestigious boarding schools in the country. I am proud of him but I miss him. This summer I learned how to do the stinky leg (the latest dance) and I know the hottest rapper is Drake.

I wonder how Welansa feels now that he is gone? Does she know that he will be coming back? No matter how long they are apart she never forgets him. Every time they re-unite her face lights up and she runs into his arms.

I had no idea how Welansa and Kyle’s relationship would be. During the adoption process he seemed indifferent. He is a teenager who cares about the hottest clothes, the latest dances, and of course girls. Little did I know Welansa would be the first girl to win his heart.

He was the first one to take her out of my arms at the airport. Her 2nd favorite person is Kyle. There have been times when she has preferred Kyle over me. Kyle let’s her do and eat anything she wants. The other day I caught Kyle feeding her potato chips. I was too late with the candy and I hate to admit it gum. Treats that she would not receive from me. Now its mommy I want candy, mommy I want gum, and mommy I want chips.

Kyle has been very helpful with increasing her language skills as well. The other day she walked in the room and said “mommy what’s up”. And even funnier she handed me a piece of paper and I said “thank you”. Her response “no problem”. I guess it could be worse.

I will never forget Kyle’s 1st day at school. We were on our way to the cafeteria and I told him I would push Welansa’s stroller if he wanted me to. I figured he wanted to start collecting “cool points” and pushing his cousins stroller through the middle of the cafeteria would surely put his account in the negative. He told me that he had it and ate his lunch with Welansa on his lap. I realized then that he was probably very nervous and afraid but he found comfort in Welansa.

I am glad their relationship is so close.

September 11th

Last night as I kissed my girl good night I held her tighter and longer than usual. All the while stating, “life is such a gift”. Although, I know this to be true I often forget and automatically assume that there will always be a tomorrow night. But yesterday night was different because it was the eve of the World Trade Center bombing.

I am sure every person was effected in some way or another. Fortunately for me I arrived early because I had a doctors appointment and needed to leave early. I remember when a co-worker told me a plane had flew into the World Trade Center. I went to the café area to watch the television.

As a watched the TV I realized that in the distance I could actually see the World Trade Center on fire. I could not believe me eyes. So I decided to go to the sundeck area to confirm that what I saw was actually true. As I stood on the sundeck in disbelief I saw what I thought was an airplane for the local TV station accidentally fly into the other building. Little did I know it was no accident nor was it an airplane seeking coverage for the news. It was indeed the 2nd plane going into another building.

One of my co-workers started to hyperventilate because her children attended a school in the area. She had no idea if they were safe or not. Now that I am a parent I can imagine how she felt. My family was frantic and unable to reach me on my cell phone and in my office. The office phone would not work for three months after the tragedy and mass transportation was shut down temporarily.

My job was set up as a one of triage areas for the injured and the sky rink area was to serve as a morgue. However, the triage and sky rink would never be used because there were very little survivors. I realized that the best place for me would be home with my family. I began the 4-hour walk with a co-worker I met 2 weeks ago. This co-worker is now considered my sister and one of my best friends. We always say it was the tragedy of the World Trade Center and the love of Calypso music that brought us together.

As we exited the building I remember seeing hundreds of people walking along the West Side Highway. Each and every person looking like they were in a daze. As we walked home I remember hearing airplanes flying above ducking down in fear. We had no idea if it was another airplane that had come to attack. As we got closer to the Brooklyn Bridge we could really see the devastation that occurred.



Thank God I did not have to walk the entire way home. I was able to get the train after I crossed the bridge. I headed toward the parking lot to pick up my car and found my sister waiting for me. I did not say a word. I broke down in her arms and began to sob. It was the first time I allowed myself to feel my emotions. At the end of the day I had lots of blisters on my feet. But I could not complain. I still had life and I had my family.

I was not prepared to deal with what would happen in the next coming days and months. We did manage to get one working phone in the office. I wish we had no phone service at all because then I would not have to deal with reality.
I started receiving telephone calls from families who had lost loved ones at Ground Zero and so they needed to cancel their membership. All of “those” types of calls were transferred directly to me. My staff did not feel equipped to deal with the calls. As the Director I had no choice, I received a quick lesson in grief counseling.

Business was extremely slow, pay increases were frozen, and one of my staff members (Sam) who was in the Reserves was put on active duty. I am happy to report that Sam is home safe and we have continued to work together for the past 5 years. For me the sacrifices and the effects were inconvenient at times but I refused to complain. I still have life, all of my family and my friends. I was one of the lucky ones. Thousand of people lost mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and friends. I can’t imagine how they felt.

How ironic that I would have a nightmare last night. I had a dream someone came through my back door and took Welansa out of her crib while she was sleeping. When I went to check on here she was gone. I started screaming her name. It felt so real and the feelings so intense. And then I was saved by my alarm clock. It was in fact a dream. I went to her room and there she was. It was just a dream. My child my loved one was there when I woke up this morning. However, it has been a true nightmare for others. When they wake up their child, their loved one is not be there.

So on this day and everyday after I will promise to hold Welansa a little tighter a little longer. To slow down and realize that everyday I see her it is a gift. And the next time that I complain that she talks too much for a two year old I will stop and be grateful that I can hear her voice.

Bad Blogger - Ethiopian Cultural Camp

I know I have been a bad blogger lately. I have been really busy with work, caring for Welansa, and a host of other things. The biggest event for us this summer was Ethiopian Cultural Camp, which took place in July in Virginia.

It was great connecting with old friends (Aliza, Samantha) and meeting new friends (Dawn, Dedra, Stephanie, Shawn). Mekdes, who is the owner of Abshiro Kids, organized the camp. I can’t say enough about the program and I am looking forward to attending next year. You can tell Mekdes spent a lot of time and energy organizing the event. She even coordinated a ride for me because I did not feel like driving six hours with a vibrant 2 year old.


One of the biggest questions for most adoptive families is how do we keep our children connected to their culture. The question was asked numerous times during the different seminars. The answer was simple but challenging, teach the children their language. Even if Amharic is not the language used in the area where your child is from.



I had better get busy learning Amharic. At one time I was committed to learning five words per day. However, other things came up and I have not been that dedicated. It’s time for me to get focused again.

A Pleasant Surprise

Sunday morning while eating pancakes with Welansa (remember pancakes are reserved for the weekends) a tall and handsome man opened my door and entered my apartment. At first I was startled and with no contacts lenses it took me a few seconds to determine who this guy was. No it was not Idris Elba although he is part Ghanaian like Idris. It was my brother John. My brother along with his wife and 3 of their 5 boys drove from the ATL to spend the week in New York. Excited is not the word. I love to see Welansa playing with her cousins. She is my mom’s youngest and only granddaughter. She has six cousins and all of them are BOYS. They love her dearly.
Welansa was meant to be in this family. She is loud, aggressive, and strong. Just the way I like it. She does not let her cousins take advantage of her either. Her cousins were playing with her kitchen set and she loudly said, “excuse me” and squeezed her way in the middle. My girl is no joke.
I can’t wait to see what the rest of the week brings. I have a feeling it will be one of the best weeks ever!
I am going to need some earplugs though.

Single Parenting = Losing Your Mind

I think I am losing it:

I keep calling my cat (Nekay) Welansa.
I keep calling my daughter (Welansa) Nekay.
I took Welansa to the sitter without a diaper.
I combed my hair and went to work only to find there was still a roller in my hair.
I have looked franticly for keys that were found in the cat’s toy basket (I put them there)
I have freaked out over loosing a cell phone that I put in the dashboard of my car 15minutes prior
I have gone to a room to look for something and forgot what I was looking for.
I put shoes on Welansa that were the same but different sizes
I have forgotten on many occasions where I parked my car.
I have taken the right train but in the wrong direction.
And finally drum roll please…. I have forgotten my age at times. I literally have to do the math.

Please don’t judge me but continue to love and pray for me. A maid, cook, washer and dryer in my apartment, Idris Elba and 10 additional hours in the day would help too.

Roller Skating Is Still Cool

My Girl Gives me Strength

Over the past 6 weeks I had two non-envasive, nerve racking, uncomfortable, and at times painful procedures. On both occasions the doctors explained exactly what would happen. However, telling me something and experiencing it for myself is TWO SEPARATE THINGS. During the first procedure I almost told the doctor to stop because I was ready to leave. I had enough. It was then that I thought about my girl. I had to be strong. I had to complete the test. I am a mother now and I have to take care of my business. I am responsible for another human being so I have to make sure that my body is healthy. I pictured her face and kept affirming I can do this, I can do this. Welansa needs me. I can do this.

Today I went for the 2nd test. All was well until the doctor steps in the room and the technician begins to instruct him step by step on what should be done. Are you serious? What the %^&? The people in the room don’t know me. Do they realize I don’t have time for incompetence. I have a little girl at home who needs me and depends on me. She has already lost one mother and I will be d$&^ if she looses another mother. I am ready to get up and tell the medical staff to get me someone who knows what they are doing. Again I am ready to leave. It was then I thought about my girl. I had to be strong. I had to complete the test. I am a mother now and I have to take care of my business. I am responsible for another human being so I have to make sure that my body is healthy. I pictured her face and kept affirming I can do this, I can do this. Welansa needs me. I can do this.

Before I picked my girl up I stopped by the store and bought a Cherry Pepsi, Cheese Doodles, and a Dove candy bar. Hey I deserved a fix. When I picked my girl up from the sitter in true fashion she was excited to see me and started calling “mommy, mommy, mommy”. I knew in that moment she was my strength when I could not be strong for myself.

Great Book - The Return

I am currently reading “The Return” by Sonia Levitin. The book is about an Ethiopian Jewish girl named Desta who flees Ethiopia in order to survive.

Have you ever looked at your little one and asked:

How did you get so stubborn?
Where does your strong will come from?
Where does your determination come from?

Once you read the book you will see it is innate. In order for Desta to survive she had to be stubborn, strong will, and determined.

If you are looking for a good read I recommend the book highly. I don’t know if she makes it. I haven’t finished the book yet and if I did I wouldn’t tell. Reading is fundamental so you can find out for yourself.

Now that my girl has turned two I often wonder where does her stubbornness, strong will, and determination come from? The other day I was speaking with her Godmother, who is also Ethiopian, about her stubbornness. She assured me it was in the blood. I guess she knows from experience.

Innate stubbornness + Terrific Two’s = Lots of love, patience, and a time out chair !

The Doctors Kit Worked – No More Tears

Every time I took Welansa to the doctor’s office she would cry as soon as the doctor walked into the exam room. Thank God we don’t have to go that often. I actually thought I had a super baby. However, I was informed by the doctor that because she is not in daycare she is less susceptible to ear infections and colds.

My friend gave me a play doctor’s kit that included amongst other things a stethoscope, thermometer, needle, and band-aids. And no the needle was not sharp. Two weeks before the visit we started playing with the kit. I demonstrated how Dr. Sheppard would examine her chest and back with the stethoscope and allowed her to practice on me. We also took the kit to the doctor’s office. She looked so cute walking into the office.

Well it worked. When Dr. Sheppard walked into the exam room she was apprehensive at first but she did not cry !!!!The doctor’s kit REALLY worked or maybe my girl is getting older.

Our 1st All White Party in the Hamptons

Welansa and I attended our first party in the Hamptons. It started at 3pm so Welansa was able to accompany me. The food, music, and company were fabulous.

The weekends are reserved for me and my girl. Rarely are we apart on the weekends. During the week I average about 3 ½ hours a day with her. There is no way in the world I am leaving my girl on the weekends.

My girl knows when it is Saturday or Sunday. Saturday morning she woke up and said “mommy I want pancakes”. I only make pancakes on the weekends and when we visit my mother on the weekends she starts to climb up in my arms, which does not happen during the week. The funny part is, Monday through Friday when I drop her off at my mom’s she gives my mother her news paper, kisses me three times (the Ethiopian way), says “I love you”, closes the door, and yells upstairs to her Auntie. Rarely does she shed a tear.



The party was hosted by Huey sisters.



Welansa is so friendly. Of course she found a playmate.



Me and the Birthday Girl.



Me and My Girl.